Okay, so this is a commercial for Fulla, which is basically a Muslim version of Barbie. I was kind of into its wholesome depiction of young womanhood, but about halfway through I just...I mean, she's a lesbian, right? That's what's going on here?

Songs which did not make my Jukebox Top 20, in no particular order:
Demi Lovato - Here We Go Again
Fefe Dobson - I Want You
Cobra Starship ft. Leighton Meester - Good Girls Go Bad
Pet Shop Boys - Did You See Me Coming?
Miley Cyrus - Party in the USA
Cassie ft. Diddy - Must Be Love
Jordin Sparks - Battlefield
Nina Sky - On Some Bullshit
Lady Gaga - Paparazzi
Allison Iraheta - Friday I'll Be Over You
Rihanna - Wait Your Turn
Kelly Clarkson - Already Gone
Jay-Z ft. Alicia Keys - Empire State of Mind
Kristinia DeBarge - Goodbye
Kelly Clarkson - Already Gone

Songs which did make my Jukebox Top 20, in particular order:
1. Maia Hirasawa - South Again
2. Florence and the Machine - Drumming Song
3. Mr Hudson ft. Kanye West - Supernova
4. Jay-Z - Death of Autotune
5. Lily Allen - 22
6. VV Brown - Shark In The Water
7. Lady Gaga - Bad Romance
8. k-os - 4 3 2 1
9. Pixie Lott - Mama Do
10. Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feeling
11. Kelly Clarkson - I Do Not Hook Up
12. Demi Lovato - Don't Forget
13. Rihanna - Russian Roulette
14. Britney Spears - If U Seek Amy
15. Muse - Uprising
16. The Lonely Island ft. T-Pain - I'm On A Boat
17. Milow - Ayo Technology
18. Robbie Williams - Bodies
19. Das Racist - Combination Pizza Hut Taco Bell (Wallpaper Remix)
20. Kanye West ft. Mr Hudson - Paranoid

I was just sitting smack in front of this.

You know, no big deal.

Sometimes my fascination with fast/junk food culture and my fascination with the "two countries separated by a common language" concept combine, and as I'm eating something, I think, "I wonder if they have this in the UK." (In case you're wondering: Kentucky Fried Chicken, yes. Cheerios, yes. Cheez Whiz, no. Wendy's, no. Universal health care, yes.)

So, this morning I was pouring myself a bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats, and I thought, "I wonder if they have Frosted Mini Wheats in the UK." (The answer is yes, apparently, although they're called Frosted Wheats, but this is according to Wikipedia, so feel free to correct me, Lex & tellitslant & others. Also, is anyone else bothered by the fact that Frosted Mini Wheats now come in a "Big Bites" variety? You can't have a big version of Frosted Mini Wheats! A big version of Frosted Mini Wheats is just a frosted Shredded Wheat! Don't think we don't remember that Mini Wheats were a smaller spin-off of the original Shredded Wheat, Kellogg's! WE DO. THAT IS A FROSTED SHREDDED WHEAT. YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYBODY.)

Anyway, I typed "uk cereals" into my browser, and was taken to the Nestle / UK Cereal Partners website, where I discovered a product called Shreddies. I'll let the good people of Nestle describe Shreddies for you:

Every delicious Shreddies square is lovingly knitted by nanas. The special recipe of 4 layers of whole grain gives the perfect taste everyone loves. Shreddies need a nana's touch! For more of our nanas' secrets check out the website at www.knittedbynanas.com.

Further investigation reveals that not only is there a UK ad campaign wherein Shreddies are shown to, indeed, be knitted by adorable and friendly grandmas, but the Canadian version did a campaign advertising "New Diamond Shreddies," which were just normal square shreddies turned to the side.

WHY DOES AMERICA SUCK SO MUCH?

No, not the boy with the black, soulless eyes. The girl he's in love with:

nalismo: my boyfriend has planned this night for us
nalismo: where he's like
nalismo: "i want us to be completely unplugged and do nothing but listen to this new album, eat dinner i bring home, and give each other massages"
girlboymusic: LOL
girlboymusic: Massages.
nalismo: i know right
nalismo: i was like, "why?"
nalismo: i think he wants one
girlboymusic: This is like a tabloid article about Mariah Carey's love life.
nalismo: and is just making it a couple thing
nalismo: ROFL
girlboymusic: LOL
nalismo: DIVINE MISS M
girlboymusic: You're gonna get a 2-second massage, and then he's gonna be like, "My turn!"
girlboymusic: DIVINE MISS M IS BETTE MIDLER, YOU HEATHEN.

Should I do Yuletide? I'm already doing NaNo, and I haven't written for Jukebox in like a full month.

I woke up to find the following in my inbox:

Subject: MFJ Enterprises Inc.
From: Dad
Date: Saturday, October 24, 2009 8:35 am
To: Mom, girlboymusic

Is it me, or is the beard photoshopped?



Dad

And that was how I introduced my parents to "this looks shopped".

Food for thought: "Kicking and Screaming" appeared as a bonus track on Ashlee Simpson's I Am Me, and was then covered by Miley Cyrus for the Walmart-exclusive The Time of Our Lives. Both BMI and ASCAP credit "Kicking and Screaming" to John Shanks, Kara DioGuardi, and Ashlee Simpson. The Time of Our Lives, meanwhile, credits "Kicking and Screaming" to John Shanks, Kara DioGuardi, and nobody else.

nalismo: he was just riffin lyrics
nalismo: for no reason other than he “didn’t want to stoop to learning the real ones”
girlboymusic: THERE ARE NO REAL ONES
girlboymusic: Have you heard her new song?
nalismo: bad romance?
girlboymusic: YES.
girlboymusic: THE LYRICS TO IT
girlboymusic: IN THE BEGINNING
girlboymusic: Ra ra ra a a a ro ma ro ma ma ga ga ooh la la
nalismo: it's amazing
nalismo: it is AMAZING
girlboymusic: LY BAD
nalismo: ASS
girlboymusic: Of course I DL'd it last night, immediately after hearing it for the first time.
nalismo: :)
nalismo: the last minute and a half of the song is the best
nalismo: vocally at least
girlboymusic: I actually agree.
nalismo: that's what pisses me off. all that glitchy electronic-y shit ruins her, catchy as it is. it does her voice no justice. she's got a fantastic voice.
girlboymusic: I was reading something about how The Fame was about the hunt for glitz and glamour and all that, whereas The Fame Monster is about personal demons...and I think more personal shit serves her well.
nalismo: yep.
girlboymusic: Because her voice is good.
girlboymusic: But her image is such fucking bullshit. She needs to chill with the talk about how she's creating great unprecedented art.
nalismo: but see
nalismo: that's the thing
nalismo: whether she's right or wrong doesn't really matter
nalismo: because she's like, a character
nalismo: but she's never "off"
nalismo: like, marilyn manson is all leather thongs beautiful people shit
nalismo: but then you'll see him at smoothie king
girlboymusic: I wish she would turn off.
girlboymusic: You know the one time I genuinely liked her?
girlboymusic: When she was on SNL and sang that little song about how she still just wants to go eat cheap hot dogs with her friends.
nalismo: i admire how freaking weird she is. lol
nalismo: but i agree that she's better when she's simpler
girlboymusic: I mean, I do admire that, and I admire the thought and planning it takes to come up with her costumes and good pop music and all that.
girlboymusic: I think she's smart.
girlboymusic: The thing that pisses me off is that she's all, "Yeah, I'm proving that pop music can be art," except she does it by like...trying to justify it, which actually accomplishes the opposite.
girlboymusic: If pop music is art, just let it be art. Don't give me this shit about how it's a gift from God and you started the Haus of GaGa and it isn't important unless it's inspiring a movement, so your VMA performance is going to be so stunning and brilliant that it will inspire a movement and the world will never be the same.
girlboymusic: Yeah, the VMA performance inspired a movement.
girlboymusic: It inspired me to move my hand and rub my eye when I saw that fake blood all up in her contacts.
nalismo: oh i know, ouch
girlboymusic: I mean, I would fucking LOVE her if she just went out there and was like, "Look, this is art. I put a lot of thought into it, it took a lot of skill to create it, it makes you feel something and it says something, and I don't need to justify it to you just because it isn't what YOU think art should sound like or talk about."
girlboymusic: LOVE HER
nalismo: i know, i wish i had the willpower to resist
girlboymusic: But as it stands, I just listen to her music and feel really guilty for fucking loving it.
nalismo: hahahahahhaha
nalismo: YEAAAAAAAAAH
nalismo: WELCOME TO MY WORLD
girlboymusic: I FEEL DIRTY
girlboymusic: I NEED A BATH.
girlboymusic: THERE'S NOT ENOUGH SOAP IN THE WORLD TO MAKE ME FEEL OKAY ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS SONG.
girlboymusic: Every so often I wonder if this is how people felt about Eurythmics when they first came out.
girlboymusic: If so, I want to like, retroactively personally apologize to each and every one of them.

This morning's path through Wikipedia: La Roux > Yazoo (band) > Sirius Satellite Radio > Outlaw country > I'm Jessi Colter > Jessi Colter > Stevie Nicks > "Crash into Me" > 2001 Clear Channel memorandum > "St. Elmo's Fire (Man in Motion)" > "Sideshow Bob Roberts" > Bob Roberts > Brian Murray > Brian Murray (disambiguation) > Brian Doyle-Murray > Weekend Update > Jane Curtin > Kate & Allie > Ari Myers.

Points for figuring out -- without going to Wikipedia -- how I got from one article to the next.

There were also detours to "The End of The World," 50,000 Elvis Fans Can't Be Wrong, and Nudie Cohn, among others, that my browser history doesn't reflect. Bonus points for figuring out which articles directed me to them, and how.

I bit the bullet and joined a love meme. Go tell me how much you love me.

In honor of Fake Thanksgiving, furies and I have compiled a list of things that make us thankful Canada exists:

1. Geese.
2. Robin Scherbatsky.
3. Being between us and Sarah Palin.
4. Allowing girlboymusic to coast through her social life sophomore year of college on a bit that basically consisted of doing a Canadian accent and saying the words "hockey" and "brew" a lot.
5. The word "mounties."
6. The first four seasons of The X-Files.
7. Most of the cast of Battlestar Galactica.
8. The MuchMusic Tree Toss.
9. Cities that look vaguely like New York in the movies.
10. Barenaked Ladies.
11. Victor Garber.
12. This video:


Happy Fake Thanksgiving, Canada!

Miley Cyrus - “Good-bye Twitter”

Girl’s got a point. I recently spent six hours on a plane, and I can’t tell you how many times I reached for my phone, wanting to tweet some random thought — and every time I realized I couldn’t, I would feel this frozen instant of existential crisis. It was like, if I can’t post this thought to the Internet, then why am I having it at all? If this moment is going to be lost, if once it passes I will be the only one who remembers it, then does it even exist? What did I do, what were my experiences like, when Twitter didn’t exist and I had to have them alone? I am not even kidding. I actually thought these things.

By the end of that flight, I was pretty sure I needed to cut back on my twittering.

Not gonna lie, every time I get dressed, I think about this.

Mia Michaels said this routine was about a relationship, about a couple fighting, but for me, from the very first moment, it has always been about September 11th. The way they look out into the distance, the way they run forward and then get pushed back. They watch something streak across the sky and they feel something crumbling in their hands, dust, and then it's chaos. Two off balance, falling, side by side. Carrying the injured. Hometown glory. This choreography doesn't say "a fight between a couple." What's bothering them isn't them, isn't between the two of them, it's out there somewhere, and they can't touch it. There are only these images; they can only watch.

This routine is the most perfect representation of everything I've never been able to explain about how it felt to be from this city but not in this city on that day.

If, hypothetically, I were going to make a mix entitled "True Love Waits," what songs talk about willfully abstaining from sex and/or relationships would you suggest I include? So far I've got "I Do Not Hook Up," "I Decided," and Kelly Clarkson's "Miss Independent." Are there any other examples of prude pop? Frank, is Aly & AJ's -- oh, I'm sorry, 78violet's -- "Blush" explicitly about not banging people? I suppose I could include the PCD's "I Don't Need a Man." Oh, and "Flirt." And possibly "Touch of My Hand," although it's not like she really wants to be alone, it's just that she's making the best of it, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. Am I missing anything by Ashlee? Demi? Anything from the world of R&B? Pitchfork?

So, over on Tumblr, someone named squashed had something to say about twentysomethings and why we want what we want from the government, starting with this:

Apparently people in their 20s are a bunch of entitled whiners. I also hear we’re afraid of hard work. I’m rather sick of hearing it. Of course we have a sense of entitlement—we had an understanding with the older generation. We followed through with our half of the deal. What happened?

The word “entitlement” has picked up a negative connotation it shouldn’t have. If you go to the bank and deposit $20, you are entitled to get your $20 from the bank. If you fulfill your half of a contract, you are entitled to the other party’s performance. Sure, its a problem when you feel you deserve something you don’t deserve—but there is nothing wrong with acknowledging a legitimate debt. So let’s ask why some people in their 20s might feel the older generation hasn’t kept its end of the bargain. Let’s talk a bit about generational justice.

The entire post is here. It makes a lot of good points, and it makes a lot of bad points. But the thing that strikes me is the amount of comments that say, essentially, “Yeah, well, the world isn’t fair, buddy. That’s the way it is.”

Uh, that’s the point. The world isn’t fair. That’s the way it is. But “the way it is” is not the same as “the way it should be.” I mean, say I light you on fire, and then stand there with a bucket of water while you burn. OH MY GOD THIS IS TERRIBLE! Yeah, well, the world isn’t fair, buddy. SURELY THAT BUCKET OF WATER COULD HELP THINGS! Yeah, but you being on fire is just the way it is. ARGH WHAT YOU ARE A PSYCHO!!!

We have a bucket of water right now. We have a chance to make “the way it is” the same as “the way it should be.” But it’s never going to happen if we sit around with our big sloshy buckets and bitch that the people pointing out the difference between the two are just complainers who should give up and die, okay? I know it makes you feel all big and cool and jaded and manly to say shit like, “The world isn’t fair.” I know it makes you feel like fucking James Dean to say shit like, “You gotta hustle if you want to survive in this world,” and you’re sitting there rolling the sleeves of your t-shirt up, and you can just feel your balls growing bigger by the second. And you’re like, oh my God, I’m the best that ever lived and I’m gonna go home and read Charles Bukowski and like jizz all over everything. But you’re a douchebag. And you’re not helping. And your balls are tiny, and one day nobody is going to want to fuck you. And when that day comes, you’re gonna want a prescription for Viagra, and you’re gonna go to the doctor, and you’re gonna find out you can’t afford it, and then you’ll wish you weren’t such an asshole when people were talking about the changes that needed to be made. And you know what I’m gonna say to you? THAT’S THE WAY IT IS, BUDDY. THE WORLD ISN’T FAIR.

And PS - When I say it I’m gonna be surrounded by a bunch of hot-ass women, because in the future Katy Perry will be president, and we will live in a post-label world where ladies kiss other ladies all the time. REAL TALK.

Lily Allen, "22:"



I think I would like this video a lot better if it chose a conceit and stuck to it: is the perfect reflection singing the mess, taunting her, or is the mess giving up and signing the song to perfection? Are all the girls singing it, or is it something Lily thinks alone? Is the messy Lily the real Lily? Or is the reflection?

(Personally, I’d prefer it if were what the screencap and the first few seconds imply it will be: the perfect reflection giving the mess a stern talking-to, and all the reflections – or all the girls, and therefore all the reflections – joining in. But then again, I like the idea that while it starts with the reflection, it gets passed on to Lily, and to the other girls, like no one is really immune.)

I do like how it reverses the standard female reflection trope – usually it’s either a mess satisfiedly seeing herself as perfect, and that’s how we know she’s deluded and fallen, or a perfect beauty seeing herself as a disgusting mess, and that’s how we know the poor dear has been pressured by society into believing she’s uglier than she really is. Lily doesn’t believe she’s as beautiful as her reflection (she gives the other girls those sad, appraising glances, she puts on her lipstick to match what her reflection is already wearing) and she doesn’t think she’s uglier than she is. She’s uglier than she wants to be, she’s uglier than the person she has to be if she’s going to leave that bathroom and be alone and have her fairytale romance, and that’s the problem.

It underlines what this song – and the whole album, really – is all about, and what Lily’s critics are missing when they accuse her of ham-fisted political commentary or blaming society for her flaws: we talk about “society” and how it’s a “bad influence” on “young women” as if society and girls are faceless behemoths, collectives moving together like giant silvery schools of fish, cast into shadow as nonspecific negativity rolls across the sky and blots out the sun. But the truth is the society, if it fucks you up, fucks you up in a deeply personal way. The others don’t look any better or worse in their reflections than they do in real life; Lily’s character is either especially tormented, especially insecure, especially disappointed – or just imagines that she is.