we could live a thousand years

I spy 20 ways for your fellow commuters to judge you...

2008-05-13T18:09:08Z

Jesus Christ, it is like Cities Will Kill You month or something: In DC, they want to stop people from falling off subway platforms / throwing themselves in front of oncoming trains, so they're giving commuters games to play. I'm not quite sure how this is supposed to work. These people who accidentally fall off subway platforms -- is it a good idea to distract them and encourage them to run around? And if we're worried about jumpers, well...subtly judgmental "I Spy" cards? Hopscotch? Whoever thought of this is either incredibly clueless, or my new best friend.

nothing's gonna stop me but divine intervention

2008-05-12T13:59:38Z

New York (the magazine) wants to know why so many people come to New York (the city) to kill themselves, and it's sort of a sequel to that New Yorker story about the Golden Gate Bridge. (Though far less arresting and nowhere near as well-written. Well, no, it's well-written in its own way -- New York has a particularly lovely utilitarian style.)

Halfway through, smack in the middle of the second page, you'll find the pull-out quote, which I sat and stared at for a good five minutes, trying to figure out what was wrong with it. Through suicidal eyes, the New York skyline can appear to be “a lot of opportunities to die from heights.” Well, through any eyes, the New York skyline is a lot of opportunities to die from heights. The difference between suicidal or not is whether that scares you.

Which I guess is where I feel this story could have been better -- you can be utilitarian and still go beyond the facts. There are a million ways to die here, that's a fact. The question is, why do we think you have to be suicidal to see it? You can be utilitarian and still ask questions, which this story doesn't really, beyond the main thesis of "Why do people come here to die?" And in the end, it's a cop-out, because we all know the answer. They come here because they can. What we want to know is why they can.

And for some reason, in my mind this story is directly connected to last week's story about subway worker deaths. (Its pull-out quote, in the middle of the third page, will kill you.) Maybe because it was basically all questions and humanity, with no attempts to answer, or maybe because it connects in that place where I think the suicide story really happens -- the point isn't that this is a place where you can die, the point is that some people come here because of that, and some people come here anyway.

I have no Hillary icon; Blair Waldorf will have to do.

2008-05-10T03:48:07Z

girlboymusic: "As of 1800 BST he had received the backing of 267 superdelegates to Mrs Clinton's 271.5."
girlboymusic: How do you have half a superdelegate?
Itsjuststephanie: HAHAHAH.
girlboymusic: I bet she tore him in half while trying to rip him away from Obama, and was like, "IT STILL COUNTS."
girlboymusic: And then she really quickly shoved Barack so he would drop his half of the superdelegate.
girlboymusic: "YOU DROPPED YOURS. NOW YOURS DOESN'T COUNT."
Itsjuststephanie: SHE IS NOT THAT EVIL!
Itsjuststephanie: only half-evil. ;)
girlboymusic: Mr. Obama has received an evil rating of 267 compared to Mrs. Clinton's 271.5.

I have nothing to do at work.

2008-05-09T19:44:21Z

So you're getting a Friday Five. You know where they come from.

1. If you knew that you had only one day left to live, what would you do for the 24 hours?
I don't know, but now I have that Jem song in my head, thanks.

2. Do you think that life has meaning?
Life's what you make it. Now I have that Hannah Montana song in my head, thanks.

3. What was your favourite childhood toy/object, or some of your favourites?
(Remember childhood according to the United Nations is anywhere from 0-18 years, so this is a fairly broad span of time).
Who died and left the United Nations in charge? I used to have a tiny plastic dog, less than an inch long, named Doggy-Dog. (I was creative.) My parents used to live in fear of me losing him or dropping him down something because I would freak the fuck out if I couldn't find him. This was probably their karmic punishment for allowing a toddler to play with a plastic dog less than an inch long. I think my real dog ate my plastic dog, at some point, and shortly thereafter I got my teddy bear, Teddy. (Told you I was creative.) I still sleep with him next to my pillow, and I bring him with me if I'm going anywhere for longer than two nights. One time, in the Vegas airport, they had to go through my baggage because I had a microscopic scissor in there or something, and the totally cute security dude was like, "OMG you brought your teddy bear with you to Vegas," and I was like, "Yes," and he was like, "You bring him everywhere with you, don't you?" and I was like, "Yes," and he was like, "That is so cute," and we had a moment. I should have made out with him.

4. When you clasp your hands, do you put your right thumb over your left thumb, or your left thumb over your right thumb?
Left over right.

5. If you had to teach the most ignorant person on earth the most difficult thing you have ever learned, how would you go about doing it?
Nicole Richie.

"flight 31 to montreal is now blerging"

2008-05-03T21:33:16Z

Did anyone catch that at the end of 30 Rock this week?

hey unbroke people

2008-05-02T17:40:38Z

Can someone with a paid account make a syndicated feed of my friend's Tumblr for me to subscribe to?

that's just scrabulous

2008-04-29T05:27:38Z

"LEZ" FOR 52 POINTS.

Okay, now bed.

quick, somebody get a puppy's fist

2008-04-27T15:41:48Z

1:56 is what the apocalypse is going to look like.

takes more than some handcuffs to stop me

2008-04-26T19:27:54Z

"Follow You Wherever You Go" is clearly the best song ever written:

ETA: Whoa, co-written by Macy Gray, according to iTunes.

Makes this pretty curious. (Full lyrics to that one, presumably, here.)

for the pixie

2008-04-25T02:46:27Z

The Mister Softee cup! Aw, this pic was originally named "college.jpg" Meeemories! OH SHIT LOOK WHAT ELSE!

and the word of the day is "winsome"

2008-04-24T17:08:08Z

More words I have looked up recently:

accretion
arachnologist
arachnology
archaeologist
atomic number
basalt
bumfuzzled
cancelled
concurrent
credulous
endospore
extant
furor
hungarian
hydrolysis
impeach
magyar
oxidation
oxide
re
rhyolite
shale
skimpy
suffrage
seleniferous
sequela
thallium
tornado
vortex
viscoelastic
viscous
waterspout

(How great is the combination of "extant furor"?)

I HATE SPRING

2008-04-18T05:08:07Z

I'm in the shower, and I look down, and there is a giant fucking spider crawling along next to my foot. So naturally I am like, "!!!" and as soon as I move, water hits the thing and it jumps toward me, and I am like, "OH HELL NO" and jump out of the shower, and then I'm standing there dripping, holding a bottle of Burt's Bees that I have chosen as my spider-killing weapon. And then I think of that stupid liar entomologist who was like, "You know what that bug thinks of right before you squash it? His mom." LIES. I JUST FACT-CHECKED AN ARTICLE ON PARENTING IN THE ANIMAL KINGDOM, AND MOST ARACHNIDS ARE NOT EVEN AWARE THEY HAVE MOMS AND YET I STILL CANNOT KILL THIS SPIDER YOU STUPID ANTHROPOMORPHIZING BASTARD. Because it was all panicked and frightened-looking! So I just stood there waiting till the thing got washed down the drain, and then I had to spend the whole rest of my shower being paranoid that somehow it would crawl back up.

Dear Weather,

I like you a lot better when you are freezing all the things that have exoskeletons. Please try that again.

Much love,
girlboymusic

the Nia & Pixie show: shocker

2008-04-15T21:09:35Z

Lalanav1: I KNEW I was forgetting something! I couldn't decide if there were two fingers or what in the vag!

what's it like to feel so free?

2008-04-15T03:48:15Z

I'm not a big New Yorker fan, but this may be the best thing ever written. It's about jumpers on the Golden Gate Bridge, and I don't remember the first time I read it -- but it was one of those things that sticks with you, and you spend a year afterward looking for it, typing in variations on the words you remember. I found it, obviously, eventually, and every so often I read it again, maybe once or twice a year. Because halfway down the first page, you get this:

As he crossed the chord in flight, Baldwin recalls, “I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable -- except for having just jumped.”

That's the part I always remember, the part that makes me go look it up again, but it continues to be that good for about six pages, really.

advice on how to live life

2008-04-12T18:13:33Z

If you're going to watch the walkthrough of You Have to Burn the Rope, you should really do it while listening to "Let's Go" by Trick Daddy featuring Twista & Lil' Jon.

the Nia & Pixie show: in which the Pixie joins the club

2008-04-11T07:24:11Z

I was telling the Pixie about Kara, and Kara's Republican dad, and poli sci, and Mad Doll, and Billboard, and the failed record deals, and then I made her listen to "Crying at the Disco" and "Avalanche" and "Somebody to Love" all in a row.

Lalanav1: Ugh, ugh, it's so much more depressing knowing this stuff.
Lalanav1: GOD.
Lalanav1: LOL.
girlboymusic: YOU SEE.
Lalanav1: I want to slap her, so she stops being depressing. JUST WRITE YOUR OWN SHIT, KARA.
Lalanav1: YOU ARE FINE.
Lalanav1: STOP CRYING AT THE DISCO :-( :-(
girlboymusic: I KNOW! I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW!
Lalanav1: Ok, on to "Avalanche."
Lalanav1: AHHHHH THIS SONG
Lalanav1: :-(
Lalanav1: I wonder if she's really conflicted.
girlboymusic: LOL.
girlboymusic: I'm pretty sure she is.
girlboymusic: In many ways.
Lalanav1: Yeah....so sad.
Lalanav1: :-( :-( "I've given up everything I had"
girlboymusic: I KNOW! I KNOWWWWWWW!
Lalanav1: "Somebody to Love" now
Lalanav1: God, she's killing me.
Lalanav1: I hope you know this.
Lalanav1: KILLING ME.
girlboymusic: LOL I AM SO GLAD YOU UNDERSTAND.
girlboymusic: I have inducted you into the club.
Lalanav1: LOL!
Lalanav1: :-( around 2:30 or so when she says "We all want somebody/crave somebody/need somebody to love" all soft :-( :-(
Lalanav1: Stop! Stop! JUST STOP IT, KARA!
girlboymusic: LOL.
girlboymusic: Stop stabbing you in the heart, you mean?
Lalanav1: YES.
girlboymusic: She won't.
Lalanav1: Grr.

the Nia & Skim show: bow down and worship your youthful demon lord

2008-04-10T00:58:09Z

Skim: (during an Idol Gives Back segment set to "Fix You") "You could play this song behind images of Satan and I'd cry."
Me: "I'm sure David Archuleta will sing it at some point, and then we'll get to test that hypothesis."

the Nia & Pixie show: truer words were never spoken

2008-04-09T00:56:45Z

girlboymusic: Fucking David Archuleta.
Lalanav1: Word.
Lalanav1: I hate him.
Lalanav1: I want to punch him with a puppy's fist.

the Nia & Pixie show: I SAID GOOD DAY!!!

2008-04-07T21:01:20Z

Lalanav1: I've been hearing that since before she was even alive. LOL.
Lalanav1: So, NO, I DEFY THIS ACCUSATION.
girlboymusic: I didn't say she invented it.
girlboymusic: SO GOOD DAY, SIR.
Lalanav1: GOOD DAY.
girlboymusic: I SAID GOOD DAY!!!
Lalanav1: GOOD DAY.
girlboymusic: YES, THAT IS WHAT I SAID.
girlboymusic: GOOD DAY.
Lalanav1: YES. GOOD DAY.
Lalanav1: YOU ARE AN EXCEPTIONALLY POLITE ENGLISHMAN
girlboymusic: GOOD DAY AND ALSO GOOD EVENING, JUST IN CASE DUSK BEFALLS YOU BEFORE THE END OF THIS DISCUSSION.
Lalanav1: I TIP MY CAP TO YOU, SIR. GOOD DAY AND GOOD EVENING.
girlboymusic: ALSO, IF NECESSARY, GOODNIGHT.
Lalanav1: NO. IT IS NEVER A GOOD NIGHT. NOT IF YOU ARE STILL IN THIS WORLD. BUT NEVERMIND, GOODNIGHT.
girlboymusic: YOU'RE RIGHT, IT IS NEVER A GOOD NIGHT WHILE I AM IN THIS WORLD, FOR THE SUN SHALL NEVER SET WHILE I AM ASTRIDE THIS COSMIC GIANT.
girlboymusic: BUT NO MATTER. GOOD DAY, EVENING, AND ALL OTHER TIME DISTINCTIONS TO YOU.
Lalanav1: (ROFL that nearly made me fall out of my chair.)
girlboymusic: (It was pretty amazing, I must say.)
Lalanav1: (LOL I can't top that. You win.)
Lalanav1: VERY WELL. I WITHDRAW. GOOD DAY.
girlboymusic: THANK YOU. GOOD DAY, SIR.

"our children will grow up with this miracle enriching their lives!"

2008-04-05T15:28:19Z

This is by far the best thing I have ever watched:

"TELEVISION!"

where did my "support your occupying cylon forces" icon go?

2008-04-04T15:28:53Z

For my birthday you should buy me Colonial propaganda, obvs.

another chance to get burned, and start all over

2008-03-31T02:57:22Z

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now, shaping your spring. Post these instructions in your LJ along with your 7 songs. Then tag 7 other people to see what they're listening to.

I don't know about shaping my spring, but these are the songs I've got on repeat right now. In no particular order:

1. Those Dancing Days - "Hitten"
2. John Mayer - "Say"
3. Vanessa Paradis - "L'incendie"
4. Miley Cyrus - "Start All Over"
5. Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals - "Fight Outta You"
6. Ben's Brother - "Stuttering"
7. Danity Kane - "Damaged"

(What the hell, Steph, you're listening to Platinum Weird and I'm not!)

I choo-choo-choose: lalanav, luckytobe_alive, skyecaptain, koganbot, theblondie, silveran, and...alexmacpherson?

"everyone knows fuckin' archuleta was designed by the antichrist to win that shit"

2008-03-29T19:43:28Z

nalismo: i used to think i liked irish accents, but hearing carly smithson so much made me understand why i really R's should be emphasized in moderation.
nalismo: like, even when there's no R in a word, she sounds like there's an R in the word
nalismo: mrrr nrrrm is crrrrly smrrrmsrrrrn.
nalismo: rrr rrrrrry wrrrnna brrr the amrrrrcan idol
nalismo: and she says she lives in dublin
nalismo: is she gonna MOVE TO AMERICA to be the AMERICAN IDOL if she wins?
girlboymusic: She doesn't fucking live in Dublin.
nalismo: she says she did!
girlboymusic: She lives in San Diego or something with her husband!
nalismo: she's a turd.
girlboymusic: She worked in a bar where David Cook also sang, but they never met!
nalismo: i'm so over her.
girlboymusic: I fucking hate her.
nalismo: i think her presence on the show is ridiculous.
nalismo: she had a record deal. she fucked it up. she didn't sell.
nalismo: you can no longer claim to be plucked from obscurity.
nalismo: and forget the kelly clarkson reference. YOU WILL NEVER BE KELLY.
girlboymusic: THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING.
girlboymusic: And last week when she was like, "Being in the studio...it's all so new! I have no idea what any of the producers' strange words mean! OMG!"
girlboymusic: SHUT UP YOU RECORDED AN ALBUM.
nalismo: i've gotta be honest. the unforgivable sin for me was "power keg"
girlboymusic: LOL yeah
nalismo: no. carly hennessy recorded an album.
nalismo: this is carly smithson.
nalismo: but yeah, i think that disgusted everyone.
nalismo: she had music videos and everything!
nalismo: like, she was legitimately signed.
nalismo: the great thing is though
nalismo: she's like, totally and completely desperate for this show.
nalismo: so when she gets voted off, it's gonna be fucking great.
nalismo: but i just don't see how she can think she'll appeal to anyone after selling, what, 300 copies of her cd? lol
nalismo: she's already lost!
girlboymusic: LOL I know.
girlboymusic: It's kind of sad because she so obviously believes this is her last chance.
girlboymusic: Which, like, whatever. Go and release an indie album like a normal person whose record deal failed. Jesus.
nalismo: i can't believe she got a fuckin' tattoo
nalismo: lmao
nalismo: if i were on that show
nalismo: i would pretty much just have fun
nalismo: because everyone knows fuckin' archuleta was designed by the antichrist to win that shit since like, his birth last month.
girlboymusic: Which is clearly what Jason is doing, and it's totally working for him.
nalismo: yeah, that and he's a total fox.
nalismo: but i think he adopts that philosophy in all of his career ventures.
nalismo: like,
nalismo: "cheye--who? oh, okay. yeah, sure, i'll be in her video. yeah, dude, i'll be on her show... whatever, man, s'all good! american idol? k'z!"
girlboymusic: LOL word.
girlboymusic: He is just so high all the time.
girlboymusic: He doesn't care.
nalismo: LMAO I KNOW
nalismo: there's a lot of insecure people this season though
nalismo: have you noticed that?
nalismo: like, pathetic, desperate tards
nalismo: moreso than any other season
girlboymusic: I guess? I'm trying to think about it and like...I can't remember any of the people from this season.
nalismo: michael johns, brooke white, carly, syesha... you can tell they take it so seriously.
girlboymusic: Oh yeah, fucking Syesha.
girlboymusic: I wanted to like her but I'm getting tired of it.
girlboymusic: I like Brooke though. I don't think she takes it that seriously...like, she's earnest, but it's not THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD to her.
girlboymusic: I feel like she just does everything all, "I'm gonna be the best I can be!"
nalismo: like, while castro's smokin' a bowl and david cook is masturbating in the mirror and archuleta is recharging, you've got brooke, michael, syesha, and carly sitting in a room, songs spread out, working.
girlboymusic: Ramiele crying and hoping one of them will take a break to feed and hold her.
girlboymusic: And maybe change her diaper.
nalismo: rami is so annoying
girlboymusic: I love her, but I am aware that she is a dickwad.
nalismo: the tiny helpless thing has to stop
nalismo: she wasn't sick
nalismo: she wasn't ill
nalismo: she just can't sing "alone"
nalismo: and that's okay. she's with the rest of the 99.9% of the earth's population
girlboymusic: This is like a whole season of Katharine McPhees, except without like...good looks, a sense of humor, or the ability to actually sing.
nalismo: they're all so self-important this year.
nalismo: even the ones i like.
girlboymusic: Just big dripping balls of desperation.
nalismo: except castro (too high), archuleta (not human), and KFC (knows she's there by luck).
girlboymusic: Soggily leaking their need for approval all over the stage.
nalismo: like, i almost like kristy lee cook
girlboymusic: LOL word.
nalismo: she probably just is like, whatever
nalismo: i'm gonna sing
nalismo: maybe i'll be here
nalismo: maybe i won't
girlboymusic: When she was like, "Sorry y'all have to hear this again..." that one night.
nalismo: ROFL I KNOW
girlboymusic: LOL
girlboymusic: I'm really mad they voted off Chikezie.
girlboymusic: He was like the last interesting person.
girlboymusic: Now it's just the slow, dark march of sacrifices to David Archuleta's altar.
girlboymusic: Every one singing a droning tone of desperation and sorrow.
girlboymusic: As the reflections of flames flicker in his eyes, and his gaping maw opens to welcome their tender flesh.
girlboymusic: And then Simon tells him it was wonderful and he giggles like the mindless force of evil that he is.
girlboymusic: He has no thoughts, only an unending, inhuman impulse to be complete and utter mind-numbing shit.
nalismo: R
nalismo: O
nalismo: F
nalismo: L
nalismo: M
nalismo: F
nalismo: A
nalismo: O
nalismo: i know i should hate him.
nalismo: but i can't.
girlboymusic: You'll come around.
nalismo: i mean, look
nalismo: i tried.
nalismo: I TRIED.
nalismo: but i can't.
girlboymusic: You'll see the Carly of him eventually.
nalismo: but he's so not in your face and desperate.
nalismo: and he's talented.
girlboymusic: Wrong, wrong, and wrong.

yes, I know it's only a cartoon

2008-03-27T19:21:09Z

By the way, the South Park episode where Britney blows her head off (okay, apparently not streaming anymore till April 19th, sorry) is brilliant. Like, Battlestar Galactica levels of brilliant. The structure, the metaphor, the willingness to take risks.

What really takes it above and beyond for me is that there are three moments in the episode where it is just silent. No dialogue, no movement. Just silence. Just sit there and think.

You have to be pretty confident in your abilities as a writer to choose not to say something. You have to be pretty sure of point argument to not make it. I hope they submit this episode for Emmy consideration, and I hope they win, because it is really impressive.

THIS IS THE BEST POST EVER

2008-03-24T00:49:02Z

girlboymusic: Yo, is it just me, or is Barack Obama dancing behind her?

Lalanav1: OMG OMG YES IT IS
Lalanav1: THAT IS OBAMA