1. Holding the Pixie's bumper up on New Year's Eve and then being ordered to stand in front of her vehicle. While it was moving. Toward me.

2. JAM!: "I eat and eat and never gain weight!"
JAM!'s Mom: "You probably have worms."

I decided that I wouldn't do the poptimists year-end poll, like I'm just too cool for year-end-list-making or something, when the truth is I have (a) the memory of a goldfish and (b) such exceptionally bad taste that I don't really want to make it public.

I have 83 songs on my year-end playlist, and I'm pretty sure I forgot some. I have no idea how to narrow it down -- am I picking songs I like ("Soulmate")? Does "like" mean I thought they were catchy ("Hook Me Up"), or interesting ("Potential Break-Up Song"), or that I connected with them ("Irvine")? Am I picking songs that do, conceptually, what I want them to do ("Don't Talk"), or songs that are lyrically boring but musically more enjoyable ("Let's Dance")? Or compromise and choose one that only nearly does both ("Whatever U Like")? Am I picking songs that cause a vehement reaction, even if it's negative ("Paralyzer")? Songs that happened ("Irreplaceable," Lily Allen, "Apologize")?

If everyone in the world has probably already voted for "Umbrella," do I ditch it in favor of a song less likely to get votes ("Good Girl Gone Bad")? Or ditch "Good Girl Gone Bad," which I like more, in favor of "Lemme Get That," which is actually better, especially if Leona Lewis' similarly hurt/menacing "Bleeding Love" is also on the shortlist? Or ditch Rihanna altogether, to make room for someone less likely to get votes (The Cliks, Prima J, Bear McCreary)? If I want to include Blake Lewis, do I include his actual single, "Break Anotha," which is just solid, or his performance of "You Give Love a Bad Name," which did something? Does including "Toy Solider" make up for not including "Piece of Me" (the better Britney song) and Eve's "Tambourine" (the superior mess)? Do I only get one sentimental Kara DioGuardi slot, and if so, do I fill it with "Had It All" (musically just solid, but its very existence is interesting) or "Taking Chances" (probably the song I thought the most about this year, and probably actually a better song, but nowhere near the best Platinum Weird song, so I resent the fuck out of it for even being eligible).

And what do I do about the Annie Lennox album, which barely even existed, as far as the rest of the world is concerned? The track I love to death ("Big Sky") doesn't begin to explain how big a leap this album is, but the track that does ("Ghosts in My Machine") is very Lindsey Buckingham in that you have to listen to it eight or nine times before you realize it's actually a piece of music -- and the compromise between those two things ("Love is Blind") is good and shimmering but doesn't hit as hard, while the one with the best bridge ("Coloured Bedspread") is otherwise kind of blah. Or kind of awesome. I keep changing my mind. And speaking of Lindsey Buckingham, does "Shut Us Down" count if I only really love it live? Can "Whatever U Like" get in on the strength of its video alone? And does "Not Ready to Make Nice" count at all, if it was released mid-2006 but randomly hit the charts in early 2007? What about the fact that the biggest songs of the year, for me, were "If Tha Mood" (2005), "Mad World" (2001), "Can I Kick It?" (1991), and "Personal Jesus" (1989)?

And fuck, I have to put them in order.

I get to cross another thing off my list of Trivial Things to Do Before I Die!

See, I got this freelance fact-checking gig, and I didn't want to wear jeans on my first day, but it was supposed to be freezing, so I didn't want to wear a dress without tights. But the only tights I have are black, so I couldn't wear my navy or red dresses, and I had already worn my white sweater dress, and it would be really dreary if I wore black tights with my black dress, and I was kind of at a loss. I tried to make something work with this shirtdress, but (a) it needs to be tailored, and (b) it really only looked good with my Michael Kors Buckle Shoes of Death, and I didn't want to wear them, because they're suede and it was supposed to snow. So, whatever, I decided to suck it up and wear my black dress without any tights at all, and just freeze for four blocks before I got to the office. And then I remembered. I OWN LEGWARMERS.

And that, my friends, is how I finally accomplished my goal of wearing legwarmers in public.

In addition to having a list of Trivial Things to Do Before I Die, I should probably also have a list of Trivial Things to Find Out Before I Die, which would include such burning questions as:

- What those things are next to the Ikea in Elizabeth?
- Which members of Platinum Weird thought Erin Grace was a good idea?
- What was the name of that game show that aired every afternoon on The Family Channel, just before Punky Brewster and The Black Stallion?

But I think I'll end up knocking off Trivial Things to Find Out faster than Trivial Things to Do, because sometimes I read Wikipedia, and my path through Wikipedia usually goes something like this: recent crimes leads to the Stanford prison experiment, which leads to a BBC show that recreated the experiment in an actual prison, which leads to a list of American reality shows, where I finally found out the name of that short-lived show on FOX where they locked people in a bunker and made them write each other's names on ping-pong balls or something, which leads to, like, Kiddie Survivor, which leads to a list of children's game shows. And I thought, oh my God, maybe they will have that game show that aired every afternoon on The Family Channel listed! And all I remembered was the end segment, where kids ran through a dingy-looking set, picking out prizes they wanted, so I read through the whole list looking for anything that sounded familiar. And, lo and behold: I'm Telling! Thank you, Wikipedia! Special bonus: Sean Astin and his brother running around the aforementioned dingy-looking set.

1. Chickpeas.
2. Stephen Fry.

The most frequently played songs on my MP3 player:

"Taking Chances" - Platinum Weird
"Reality" - Simply Kara
"Will You Be Around" - Platinum Weird
"Crying at the Disco" - Platinum Weird
"Autobiography" - Ashlee Simpson
"Demo (Emotional Crimes)" - Kara DioGuardi & Greg Wells
"Avalanche" - Platinum Weird
"Somebody to Love" - Platinum Weird
"Without You" - Mad Doll
"Now You Know" - Kara DioGuardi
"All My Sorrow" - Platinum Weird
"Same Old" - Mad Doll
"Welcome to My Truth" - Anastacia
"Happiness (Live @ MP3.com)" - Platinum Weird
"Crying at the Disco (Live @ MP3.com)" - Platinum Weird

I can't believe I listen to Anastacia that often.

I hate when you're eating a salad and you get a piece of lettuce that is, like, full-on shrubbery.

I am considering adopting two mice and naming them Barnabas and Balthazar, because I have always wanted to be a peripheral character in a children's book.

What am I going to be stoked about now that Stranger Than Fiction has come and gone?

- Using the word 'stoked.'
- Kara DioGuardi is in the studio with Britney Spears, Vanessa Hudgens, and Kat McPhee, which means: (a) tons of Kara music on the way, and (b) Britney comeback album! *fist pump*
- The deli down the block has Rutgers-style chicken nuggets at their hot food bar! That makes happiness.
- My awesome cozy sweater, which is part of my awesome cozy outfit.
- I still have five weeks left on my free trial of Us Weekly.
- Before the end of the year, I am going to cross another item off my list of trivial things to do before I die.
- House tonight.
- A renewed interest in creative writing.

I need to make a post so I don't end up with back-to-back fives tomorrow. Without further ado, things to do before I die:

-Wear a garter belt.

-Be on a rooftop at sunset.

-Write in wet cement.

-Drink champagne in Central Park.

-Kara DioGuardi.

There will be more.