In honor of Fake Thanksgiving, furies and I have compiled a list of things that make us thankful Canada exists:

1. Geese.
2. Robin Scherbatsky.
3. Being between us and Sarah Palin.
4. Allowing girlboymusic to coast through her social life sophomore year of college on a bit that basically consisted of doing a Canadian accent and saying the words "hockey" and "brew" a lot.
5. The word "mounties."
6. The first four seasons of The X-Files.
7. Most of the cast of Battlestar Galactica.
8. The MuchMusic Tree Toss.
9. Cities that look vaguely like New York in the movies.
10. Barenaked Ladies.
11. Victor Garber.
12. This video:


Happy Fake Thanksgiving, Canada!

Mia Michaels said this routine was about a relationship, about a couple fighting, but for me, from the very first moment, it has always been about September 11th. The way they look out into the distance, the way they run forward and then get pushed back. They watch something streak across the sky and they feel something crumbling in their hands, dust, and then it's chaos. Two off balance, falling, side by side. Carrying the injured. Hometown glory. This choreography doesn't say "a fight between a couple." What's bothering them isn't them, isn't between the two of them, it's out there somewhere, and they can't touch it. There are only these images; they can only watch.

This routine is the most perfect representation of everything I've never been able to explain about how it felt to be from this city but not in this city on that day.

From: Me
Subject: Nerds.
Date: Monday, June 29, 2009 11:54 am
To: Dad

Jet and I were Gchatting about our 4th of July plans:

 Jet: haha
    sounds good
    are u bbqing?
 me: Probably.
    If it's nice and my dad can get a new grill in time.
 Jet: ooo
    give your dad that as a FORTRAN routine:
    IF its nice AND he gets a grill
    THEN we will bbq
    ELSE
    END
    END



From: Dad
Subject: Re: Nerds.
Date: Mon, 29 Jun 2009 12:10:03 -0400
To: Me

Ugh. Too old a reference. Give it to Jet in C++:

if(its_nice && (my_grill = new(grill))
{
have_bbq();
}

Dad



From: Dad
Subject: 4th
Date: Wednesday, July 1, 2009 10:20 am
To: Me

I'm going to buy a grill and clean the deck. You coming?

Dad



From: Me
Subject: Re: 4th
Date: Wednesday, July 1, 2009 10:42 am
To: Dad

if(no_other_plans && (steph's catsitter = available(catsitter))
{
come_home_for_4th();
}



From: Mom
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Nerds.
Date: Wednesday, July 1, 2009 1:52 pm
To: Dad, Me

I'm feeling very Penny right now.

Got this from furies. Things like this always make me feel so old-school. Like I should wander up to a group of kids, shake my cane at them, and say, "In my day, we didn't just make up 25 random facts about ourselves and post them on our Facebooks! We answered questions! And we did it by eeeee-mail! We didn't have any of this social media whatchamahoozit! You kids don't know how good you have it! Now get off my lawn."

Wearing: One of those black Sinful tees that I bought that crap out of last year, and red plaid, purple floral-trimmed cuffed/cropped pajama pants. With pockets.

Feeling: Bored, but also relaxed. Just finished an assignment at work today, and I have nothing on my plate for tomorrow.

Drinking: Water out of glass with a cartoon chicken on it.

Eating: Spicy sauteed green beans with almonds and sliced bell peppers, over tomato couscous and lentils. And a side of breaded mushrooms.

Cooking: Why would I be cooking and eating at the same time?

Shopping: Nothing, because I really don't need to be spending money. I did just buy a pair of black patent heels from Target, to replace the totally legendary black patent heels from Target that I lost when my office threw out fucking everything I own.

Emailing: Nobody, but my mom just emailed me to tell me that Tom Jones is playing at State Theater in NJ tomorrow.

Working: On nothing. It's nine-fucking-thirty, why would I be working on anything?

Playing: I think it might be my move in Scrabulous. I'm sorry, Lexulous. Whatever.

Knitting: Nothing, because I don't know how.

Reading: Working my way through Stephen Fry in America on the train every morning. I got the paperback version from the UK so it would be easier to carry around. Thanks, Internet, for letting me flout international release dates!

Watching: NewsRadio, all the behind-the-scenes videos on rovedaily.com.au, and I might start on The Big Bang Theory since I'm kind of intrigued by the idea of Sheldon and Penny.

So, about ten years ago, I was sitting in my bedroom on a sunny Sunday morning, flipping through the channels, and I ended up watching a short film collection on IFC. And the very last film was just...okay, like, immediately after it aired, I walked out of my bedroom and went, "YOU GUYS WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW. PROMISE ME YOU WILL WATCH THIS THE NEXT TIME IT AIRS."

Of course, it never aired again.

For the longest time, I kept trying to find it. I kept typing possible plot keywords into IMDb. I kept searching for "clown" and "filmstrip" and "John Popper." I kept cruising Blues Traveler websites in the hopes that someone there had heard of it. I found out the title -- "Das Clown" -- and I told everyone I ever met about how I saw it, once upon a time, and never saw it again.

But after a while, I stopped searching. Ever so often, something would remind me of it -- any phrase involving the word "das," for instance. And every so often, I would check its IMDb page, for old time's sake, to see if anyone had any news about it.

And then this morning, while waiting for an episode of Laguna Beach to download, I idly typed "Das Clown" into the URL bar of my Firefox.

AND IT STARTED TAKING ME TO YOUTUBE.

YOU GUYS. YOU GUYS. HERE IT IS.

Okay, so, like, American Idol fans who rag on Kara DioGuardi by saying things like "this is the woman who gave us Ashlee Simpson and Lindsay Lohan" and "her songs are derivative and mediocre" and "everything she writes is so full of cliches"? I would just like to remind you that you are a goddamn American Idol fan.

So, like, IDK, I guess I probably have thoughts about American Idol? But frankly, I am not over the fact that this happened:



Because, like, okay. Back when Kara was first announced as a judge, Brian and I had this whole thing where we were like, "This season is going to end with Kara on stage at the Nokia Theater, covered in silver confetti and the blood of Idols, clutching the keys to a new Ford, screaming, 'It's mine! It's miiiiiiine!"

AND THAT IS BASICALLY WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED. EXCEPT WITH NO CLOTHES ON.

Dave just watched Battlestar, and has some interesting things to say about it over on his blog. (He doesn't understand Admiral Cain like we understand Admiral Cain!)

1:49, to be exact.

So, as of now, the number one trending topic on Twitter is "#crapnamesforpubs." Which is exactly as stupid as it sounds: a bunch of people tweeting what they think would be hilariously crap names for pubs, followed by the hashtag #crapnamesforpubs. Just so we don't miss their hilariousness. And people are tweeting shit like, "The Whore's Nipple" and "The Itchy Day After" and "There's No Alcohol Here" (which, what? that one doesn't even make sense).

And then there's this one guy who tweets, "The Wasted Youth? ...or maybe that's a good name?"

And I just... Like, what kind of sad, sad person do you have to be to think that the phrase "the wasted youth" is not only bad, or good, but both at the same time? And immediately, I thought: "Danny Gokey."

Q: What are the American Idols singing in this week's Ford music video?

A: "I'm Good, I'm Gone" by Lykke Li.

Look how good my pretend girlfriend and my pretend boyfriend looked last night.



Her hair! Is so fabulous! Happy birthday to me.

Pleased.

ETA: Jacob explained it so I don't have to.

Dad: How did you like this week's Battlestar?
Me: OMG!
Dad: Next week! That's it!!!
Me: I know!!!
Dad: OMG two hours!!!
Me: OMG explosions in space!
Dad: OMG awesome!
Me: OMG black holes!
Dad: OMG I know! Inside the event horizon, no less.
Me: OMG I don't know what that means!
Dad: The accretion disk is debris that circles the black hole. The event horizon comment was me getting carried away. It's the point of no return where gravity from the black hole is great enough where light can no longer escape it.
Me: Aha.
Me: I know what an accretion disk is, Dad. Jesus.
Dad: OK, I guess so. I was not thinking. Sorry.
Me: I mean, what's next? You're gonna try to explain chaos theory to me?
Dad: No. I would not be able to organize the material properly.
Me: Well, you would. but it would be highly dependent on the initial conditions from which you began organizing.
Dad: Yes, but if a butterfly sneezes in Bangladesh...
Me: It would be impossible to predict its effect on your organization of the material.
Dad: Exactly.
Dad: Mom is scared that we thought this was funny.
Me: Lame.
Me: I feel like there's a "silly string theory" joke in here somewhere.
Me: But I have yet to find it.
Dad: I never did play with silly string, so all I have is what I imagine it to be. Is that string theory?
Me: Huh?
Dad: Very, very lame joke.
Me: Seriously.
Me: The humor in that was harder to find than the Higgs boson particle!
Me: Man, if Mom was scared about us finding chaos theory funny, she must be really conCERNed now.
Me: SEE WHAT I DID THERE?
Dad: Yes.
Dad: This is like watching "The Big Bang Theory."

Do you often find yourself recapping episodes of Law & Order: SVU for friends who missed it / skipped it / stopped watching when they replaced Alex Cabot with That Jackhole Casey Novak? Try using this handy form.

Jesus fuck. (Also, is that Steve Whitmire?)

DID WHAT I THINK JUST HAPPENED JUST HAPPEN?

No. Couldn't be. They wouldn't make it that anticlimactic, right?

I swear to God, this show.

From the most recent Battlestar recaplet:

Gossip Girl here, your one and only source into the scandalous lives of the Rag-Tag Fleet's Massively-Frakked Elite. And do I have a juicy scoop or five for you this week. Let the MILF Wars commence! Spotted: Ellen Tigh, stepping off the Raptor like the first time we saw her, Chief identifying her pilot Boomer with a single sexy-as-hell look, and Adama sending Boomer straight to the brig for shooting him in various poorly edited parts of his abdomen about a zillion years ago. Careful readers will note that Laura's always hated Ellen and has no time for Boomer either, so it's no surprise she shoots stinkface lasers all over the place even after Ellen's reiterated for them that "Final Five" means just that, the Final Five people of all Earth, and isn't that sad.

Jacob totally stole my shit!

itsjuststephanie: WHY DOES KARA HAVE FLAT HAIR??
itsjuststephanie: (at least it's shiny.)
girlboymusic: IDK SOMEONE PLEASE STEAL HER FLATIRON.
itsjuststephanie: I KNOW IT'S WRONG, RIGHT??
girlboymusic: IT IS TERRIBLE.
girlboymusic: Honestly, I love Kara and all, but there is no reason for her to be on this show.
itsjuststephanie: i know. i feel kind of sorry for her.
itsjuststephanie: so many people hate her.
girlboymusic: I'm kind of starting to see their point.
itsjuststephanie: and she's pretty! and cute!
itsjuststephanie: but pointless.
girlboymusic: Toward the end there's a moment where she makes Paula look sane and put-together.
itsjuststephanie: oh. that's scary.
itsjuststephanie: i feel like she's ruining her career with this.
girlboymusic: I know. Nobody is gonna like her.
girlboymusic: LOL.
itsjuststephanie: also: i HATE the way people are voted out.
girlboymusic: I just, like, don't get why she is doing this.
girlboymusic: Beyond her utter desperation to be famous, of which she herself is not actually aware.
girlboymusic: Also, yeah, I do not like the voting this year. Also: VOTE FOR ANOOP.
itsjuststephanie: everyone is apparently voting for anoop.
itsjuststephanie: AND FUCKING TATIANA.
itsjuststephanie: annemarie has no hope.
girlboymusic: Ugh, why are they pimping Danny Gokey so hard? Jesus.
girlboymusic: Oh my GOD, shut UP, Kara.
itsjuststephanie: what is kara saying? is she still on?
girlboymusic: Oh, they're all just jizzing over Danny Gokey.
girlboymusic: And Kara is like, moaning and shouting.
itsjuststephanie: hahaha.
itsjuststephanie: i thought you liked danny!
girlboymusic: I never thought I would say this? But...
girlboymusic: Kara DioGuardi, sometimes I do not want to hear you have an orgasm.
itsjuststephanie: OMG, DID YOU REALLY SAY THAT??
girlboymusic: I ONLY SAID IT 'CAUSE I MEAN IT. I ONLY MEAN IT 'CAUSE IT'S TRUE.
itsjuststephanie: GET HER OFF THIS SHOW NOW BEFORE YOU LOSE ALL YOUR LOVE FOR HER.
girlboymusic: I KNOW! I FUCKING KNOW!
itsjuststephanie: HAH.
itsjuststephanie: YOU SHOULDN'T WATCH THIS ANYMORE!! YOU SHOULD STOP!!!
girlboymusic: NO. I MUST.
girlboymusic: I MUST WATCH MY BABY RYAN.
itsjuststephanie: SHIT. YOU ARE SO SCREWED!!!

heyninjapirate: K, LOL, this is the best revolution ever.
heyninjapirate: Except that it could be 100% thwarted with, like, a Blackberry.
heyninjapirate: JESUS STARBUCK.
heyninjapirate: I think I just came.
girlboymusic: Haha.
girlboymusic: This episode is so old-school, I love it.
girlboymusic: And yeah, I love how like, if anybody had a cell phone, this would all go to shit.
heyninjapirate: BSG could learn a fucking thing from Gossip Girl.
girlboymusic: Good morning, Galacticans.
heyninjapirate: Also, tell me Lee and Kara do it.
girlboymusic: It seems that F is planning a revolution, but can he really succeed as long as K and L are around? He can if they spend more time locking lips than locking down ships.
girlboymusic: You know you love me.
girlboymusic: XOXO
girlboymusic: Gossip Girl