I'm in the shower, and I look down, and there is a giant fucking spider crawling along next to my foot. So naturally I am like, "!!!" and as soon as I move, water hits the thing and it jumps toward me, and I am like, "OH HELL NO" and jump out of the shower, and then I'm standing there dripping, holding a bottle of Burt's Bees that I have chosen as my spider-killing weapon. And then I think of that stupid liar entomologist who was like, "You know what that bug thinks of right before you squash it? His mom." LIES. I JUST FACT-CHECKED AN ARTICLE ON PARENTING IN THE ANIMAL KINGDOM, AND MOST ARACHNIDS ARE NOT EVEN AWARE THEY HAVE MOMS AND YET I STILL CANNOT KILL THIS SPIDER YOU STUPID ANTHROPOMORPHIZING BASTARD. Because it was all panicked and frightened-looking! So I just stood there waiting till the thing got washed down the drain, and then I had to spend the whole rest of my shower being paranoid that somehow it would crawl back up.

Dear Weather,

I like you a lot better when you are freezing all the things that have exoskeletons. Please try that again.

Much love,
girlboymusic

If you're going to watch the walkthrough of You Have to Burn the Rope, you should really do it while listening to "Let's Go" by Trick Daddy featuring Twista & Lil' Jon.

JAM! and I were driving through town this afternoon, and as we slowed through the intersection by Rita's the radio was playing some Jason Mraz with a low-key bounce, and I looked out the window at all the people sitting there -- in their coats and hats, eating Italian ice at little red metal tables, squinting in the spring sunshine. They were having conversations I couldn't hear, but they all seemed so relaxed. This one girl, especially, someone said something to her, and she turned her face to him and nodded -- there was something so open in her expression, and it was so obvious that he hadn't said anything important, he had just started a story about something someone said, something mundane, but she was glad hear it. And it was like, how did they get here? What were they doing before this? Were the kids waiting all winter for Rita's to open? Were they thinking about summer? Were they sitting around their houses, all doing different things, watching TV and reading magazines and doing dishes, and someone said, "Hey, why don't we go somewhere?" It was just so Saturday, all these people with nothing better to do. All these people just with each other. And there was this chilly clear weather, and this vaguely sunny music, and it was like watching a whole movie or reading a whole novel or living a whole lifetime in the space of five seconds.

1. Holding the Pixie's bumper up on New Year's Eve and then being ordered to stand in front of her vehicle. While it was moving. Toward me.

2. JAM!: "I eat and eat and never gain weight!"
JAM!'s Mom: "You probably have worms."

QUIRKY for 63 POINTS!

A gaggle of tourist girls near Madison & 33rd.

Tourist Girl #1: What are we doing?
Tourist Girl #2: I want Mexican.
Tourist Girl #1: What!?
Tourist Girl #2: I'm hungry.
Tourist Girl #1: I don't think you want Mexican from here.
Tourist Girl #3: That might not be good for you.
Tourist Girl #2: Why? It looks like a nice neighborhood.
Tourist Girl #1: What!?
Tourist Girl #2: Well, it doesn't look like...bad.
Tourist Girl #3: God, ew.
Tourist Girl #1: The Mexican at Grand Central is good.
Tourist Girl #3: Oh, yeah!

I'm sitting in my bedroom and I can hear muffled music from somewhere outside, and just this bass throb and something else low mixed in, with a little sparkle to it, and I think, "That's Stevie Nicks. That's the Dance album." So I open the window, and yeah, it's "Dreams." So now I'm sitting here with the window open, because it's kind of nicer than just pulling out the CD and listening to it myself.

OMG IT IS SUPER TUESDAY I AM SO EXCITED FUCK

I don't know why I'm so excited. I'm certainly not going to watch the coverage, and I'm slightly less certainly going to get my heart broken (ilu Hillary, you cry if you need to) and spend the next week raging about people who vote based on music videos, but whatevs. It is Super fucking Tuesday.

It is also Giants parade day, which means there are fucking Giants fans everywhere, just standing in the middle of things. Sidewalks, subway platforms, my goddamn life. GET OUT OF THE WAY. Also, it's the Empire State Building Run-Up, which means that once I get to 34th, for every Giants fan I step around, there is some douche in yellow running shorts jogging in place behind him. MOVE. MOVE. WHY DON'T YOU PEOPLE MOVE??? I hate everybody who isn't from New York. You know who's from New York? Hillary.

Lalanav1: How was Conan?
girlboymusic: Hi-larious!
Lalanav1: LOL yay! Who were the guests?
girlboymusic: Dr. Phil, one of the authors of The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook, and this TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE BAND.
girlboymusic: Called Les Savy Fav.
Lalanav1: LOL!
girlboymusic: I can't even like...describe.
Lalanav1: I feel like my completely "I don't even know" reaction to that name is like....enough to make me understand.
girlboymusic: No.
girlboymusic: No.
girlboymusic: They like...played music? But the guy just yelled? And he had on these sparkly red leggings? And a cape?
Lalanav1: LMAO
girlboymusic: And...t-shirts. Lots and lots of t-shirts. And he kept taking them off.
Lalanav1: Wow, I did not understand at all. LOL.
girlboymusic: Until finally there were no t-shirts.
girlboymusic: Just...stuff written on his chest.
Lalanav1: Isn't that a video on YouTube??
Lalanav1: Or something??
girlboymusic: THERE WERE NO MORE T-SHIRTS!
girlboymusic: I THOUGHT HIS PANTS WERE GOING TO FALL OFF!
girlboymusic: THE LIGHTS KEPT FLASHING!
girlboymusic: IT WAS TERRIBLE!
Lalanav1: LMAOOOO
Lalanav1: All I can say is: why??
girlboymusic: I DON'T KNOW!
girlboymusic: HOW'DITGETBURRRRRRRRRNNNNNED?
girlboymusic: Is like, the only appropriate response.
Lalanav1: HAHAAHHAHA YES.

So, that guy who had to call his mom to ask how to fill out his tax paperwork? Also keeps his ringtone on during the day and is incredibly loud on the phone, even when having non-work-related conversations ("I know, dude, but he's your roommate too"). Maybe he hasn't had a job before? But I swear to God, he looks at least my age.

TWoP recapped the My So-Called Life Christmas episode, and this line just stopped me: Angela's sneaking around the hallways between class periods to put a note in Rickie's locker.

Putting notes in people's lockers. I forgot that happened. Does that still happen? Or do kids today just, like, text each other? Oh god, I feel so old now. I need to go listen to 'NSync.

OH MY GOD MY DAD FOUND DAY OF THE TENTACLE!!!!!!!!!

I get to cross another thing off my list of Trivial Things to Do Before I Die!

See, I got this freelance fact-checking gig, and I didn't want to wear jeans on my first day, but it was supposed to be freezing, so I didn't want to wear a dress without tights. But the only tights I have are black, so I couldn't wear my navy or red dresses, and I had already worn my white sweater dress, and it would be really dreary if I wore black tights with my black dress, and I was kind of at a loss. I tried to make something work with this shirtdress, but (a) it needs to be tailored, and (b) it really only looked good with my Michael Kors Buckle Shoes of Death, and I didn't want to wear them, because they're suede and it was supposed to snow. So, whatever, I decided to suck it up and wear my black dress without any tights at all, and just freeze for four blocks before I got to the office. And then I remembered. I OWN LEGWARMERS.

And that, my friends, is how I finally accomplished my goal of wearing legwarmers in public.

The point is, the Pixie and I have found a new best friend. (The relevant part starts at 00:59.)

Her name is Txiki.

I am taking a quiz entitled, "What Sex is Your Brain?"

Prior to the section about attractiveness, it asks, "Which do you find most attractive as a sexual partner?" The choices are as follows: "I prefer men." "I prefer women."

OH WHAT THE FUCK? THAT IS NOT FAIR.

This section of the test is supposed to take three minutes. I've been pondering the prep question for like, nine now. Who do I choose? WHO DO I CHOOSE???

girlboymusic: Her hair is just as fabulous in person as it is in pictures.
Lalanav1: Wow, really??
Lalanav1: That's impressive!
girlboymusic: LOL yeah! I actually only spotted her because I was walking down Fifth and was like, "Wow, that chick has gorgeous hai--oh my god!"
Lalanav1: LOL!
Lalanav1: What are the odds!
Lalanav1: Well, I guess pretty good. But still!
Lalanav1: LOL.
girlboymusic: LOL, I know! "What are the odds that I would spot Kara DioGuardi at the exact intersection where Kara DioGuardi was scheduled to be!?"
Lalanav1: ROFL.

Some guy named adamlanger21 on Liz Phair - "Fuck & Run" Live 1995:

She looks very calm and collected, like a deer in a big rig's headlights.

Thank you, Wal-Mart.